Note: I am in the process of making a few more changes to my site. Apologies for the weird links and photos! Hopefully I can get them fixed soon. Thanks for bearing with me!
As if my life weren’t exciting enough, I am a huge insomniac. I’ve been one all my life. I can’t take naps, it takes me at least two hours to fall asleep at night, and I am really sensitive to noise and light (and if I wake up, it’s over). It’s SO fun to be married to me. Right, Josh?
Before I had kids, I just kind of dealt with it. I would factor in extra time for falling asleep each night, and I knew that I could just sleep in on weekends if I needed to. Sometimes I was a little tired during the day, but it was manageable.
After I had kids, that all changed. I was just SO TIRED, ALL THE TIME. My kids just aren’t the sleeping type. And that fact, plus my insomnia, equals crazy. I mean, like…CRAZY.
I kept it going for a couple of years, but then I hit some kind of insane insomniac rock bottom. This was right before I decided to move out of my house and into my backyard for a few weeks. I was literally going crazy from lack of sleep.
At the time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. I was hallucinating throughout the day, I had to speak really slowly in order to get my thoughts across, and most of the time I couldn’t really remember what I was trying to do or say anyway. I was a mess. So I started taking Ambien. I just took a little nibble each night – a fourth of a pill – and it was enough to let me fall asleep and stay that way. It was blissful. I got my life back. I could hold a normal conversation again. I felt like a new person.
It felt like magic, like the best gift I ever got. I was so grateful that I wept when I talked to the doctor…about getting a refill.
It changed my life.
As I write this, it’s 10:30 at night here in California. I can hear my 11-year old daughter next door in her room. She’s awake. She won’t fall asleep for at least another half an hour, even though she’s been in bed, lights out, since 9 pm. She got a lot of me in her. Normally she just deals with it, but she can’t take naps, and of course once she wakes up she can’t fall back asleep.
I’m thinking about our trip this summer. Within 30 days, we’re going to Japan, then France and Spain, then back to the US. I’m going to be relying heavily on Ambien to keep me sane. Currently, my daughter doesn’t have that option.
However, I have to wonder: would you give Ambien to your kids?